Boys are Being Sexually Molested

One in six is the number of men who have been sexually abused in childhood. And about one out of every four males will experience some form of sexual trauma in their lifetime. Close to seven percent of men have been forced to penetrate a perpetrator—male or female. That, too, is is a type of victimization.The Pentagon reported in 2012 that 53 percent of sexual attacks on men in military service were committed by other men.The US Justice Department statistics, reported by the Human Rights Watch, in 2007 revealed that nearly 1 in 20 prisoners have been raped or sexually assaulted.A 2008 study estimated that as high as 50% of the commercially sexually exploited children in the U.S. are boys.Yet most men do not tell, do not report it, reveal it to no one, not even their closest friends, their spouses, or their parents.Two major factors account for this dread silence: One is the fear that they will then be identified as homosexual. And if they are gay, that they invited the attack; and the second is the vampire stigma — that enduring sexual abuse as a child will turn one into a predator, a pedophile. Statistically, that is false and hideously defamatory.Most male survivors of child sexual abuse delay disclosure for 20 years. They tend to disclose, if at all, when they are in their thirties. Perhaps by then they have established stable careers and relationships and the burden of secrecy has become intolerable..

"Perpetrators develop keen skills at targeting a boy, befriending him, allowing him privileges his parents would deny him..."

.As a young boy I was sexually abused by an older male teenager. Like most boys I said nothing. And then I “forgot” about it. Until I was in therapy in college. I reported it then, but the analyst was only interested in my relationship with my father, who idealized and idolized me. It wasn’t until I was fifty that I allowed myself to remember that abuse. I revealed it to a different therapist.Perhaps every male, while growing up, has experienced some shaming or humiliating incident at the hands of another male — being outdone by a sports rival, being publicly dressed down by a coach, a teacher a father, or being bullied by other boys. None of these incidents can approach the level of shame endured by being sexually abused as a child by an adult male.Most such pedophiles are self-identified as heterosexual, many are married and with children of their own. The Catholic Church, in its ever invidious response to the still uncovering scandals of priest abuse, has cited homosexual priests as the source of priest abuse of boys. The reality reveals more about the psychology of pedophiles. It's a form of a perverse sexual fetish, a desire for boys and not men. There are many men, sometimes seeking psychotherapy, who recognize this desire and are disturbed and appalled by it. And these men are predominantly heterosexual in their choice of a sexual partner and spouse. They regard their desire for boys as pathological.Those men who act on that desire and seek out boys for sex suffer from the delusional belief that boys desire that contact and enjoy the act. Or these men are psychopaths with no regard for their victims, no empathy for the harm they inflict. Once a man crosses the line, in the course of his "normal" adult sexual life, and begins seeking, grooming, and sexually molesting boys he has entered the slippery slope toward addiction. He finds the means to exculpate himself — back to blaming the boy.Perpetrators develop keen skills at targeting a boy, befriending him, allowing him privileges his parents would deny him—smoking, getting behind the wheel of his car while driving, letting him watch porn. That process is called grooming. And when the sex begins the predator takes care to sexually excite the boy and assure him that he is the initiator, even that he was the seducer. Guilt and the unholy, unwanted pact seals the boy's lips. Shame seals it tighter.The power dynamic, much like the background of the #MeToo revelations, figures prominently in the sexual abuse of men. Priests and other clergies represent to a boy the man closest to God, a supreme authority. Men in the military are caught in a highly ordered hierarchy that requires submission. Prisoners are forced to submit to an organized power hierarchy. Sex in these contacts can nail a man into his place in those hierarchies.Organizations, like MaleSurvivor, of which I am currently the chairperson of its Board of Directors, were established in the late 1980s to advocate for such men, to offer support and avenues of healing through its discussion board and forum, national conferences for the education and healing of therapists and survivors, and healing weekends of recovery.During this month of Sexual Abuse Awareness let us recognize men as a league of survivors.